No matter the beauty I see,
I know it will never be inside of me.

I throw things on the wall,
My passions,
In an attempt to hide the fear.

But it’s coming out,
I’m afraid it’s coming now.

The fear awakens and the urge exists,
But didn’t I promise?
I can’t reminisce.

‘Leave me be!’
I scream at them.

‘I don’t want to!’
My voice weakens.
I’m shaking and crying.

They surge again,
‘You know you want to…’

I scream and tear at my hair.
I promised…

But I’m giving in again,
‘Save me…’

I whisper,
As I give in,
One last time.


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